A Moose Taught Me That

February 15 2022

As children growing up we learn to take cues from our parents and our siblings on how to love, how to communicate and how to navigate the challenges of life.

I was an only child so there were no siblings for me to interact with. I had pets….lots of them. Bunnies, guinea pigs, dogs, hamsters, turtles, and parakeets. My mother was an emotionally abusive, overbearing, woman who always reminded me she would have preferred to have a son instead of a daughter. My father was the complete opposite of my mother, always affectionate and kind, and always made me laugh.

It was never a question of if they would divorce, but when. Anyone standing in a room with them for 5 minutes could see that.

After years of separation, my mother filed for divorce. On my 16th birthday I was going to drive down to see my father and my mother gave me some papers she said he needed. I didn't know what they were, but when I arrived at my fathers home, I gave him the package, and it was then, that I found out I had just served my father the divorce papers. On my 16th birthday.

This was behavior I came to expect, and learned to tolerate.

My mother didn't know how to love someone, and she didn't know how to parent a child.

Fast forward to my marriage and the birth of my son. I had to wing it 80% of the time because I didn't know what a loving family felt like, and I didn't know how to be a parent. I did a lot of things right, and I made plenty of mistakes.

My husband suddenly passed away at the age of 45 and I was left with a 6 year old little boy to raise on my own. At that point I had to wear two hats and try to fill all the holes in our hearts. It was akin to a leaking boat….bailing water as fast as you can, but the boat never seemed to empty. I couldn’t go to work and be there for my son without the help of my mother. Her insidious need for control and power radiated gleefully at the thought of being indispensable. I paid a price for her help but she was my only option. I would work long days and just want to go home and be with my son. But before I could do that I had to endure a diatribe of questions about why I have things a certain way in the house, why I hadn't fixed something she noticed broken, why I have something in my kitchen out on the countertop when it should be put away. And on and on it went.

She made holidays stressful, and reduced me to tears more times than I can count.

After my son graduated college and made his life’s choices, it was clear it was time to turn inward, mend my broken pieces and reassess my next chapter.

I realized I couldn’t do that continuing to live the way I had, so I moved 3 states away and started over. I packed every box myself, organized the move myself, sold my house, bought another house, and then unpacked every box myself.

I didn't know it then…but I realize now……that was my first step towards learning how to love. I needed to get out from under the life I was living….to actually start living ……as me. Not the disappointment I was to my mother, and not the mother I was to my son. Everyone else was living the life they created, but because my life was consumed by their lives…..I got lost somewhere in the mix.

Because of my childhood relationships with animals, they resonated as a safe harbor to reinvest my heart in. I befriended a deer with a broken leg, a curious squirrel, and of all things…..a baby moose. Relationships with wild animals are different that pet store critters because you don't buy them, you don't own them, and you don't control them. What that teaches you to do is…..simply love them with no expectations, no predispositions, and no assumptions your affections will be returned. You learn to love them just because you love them. Not because you are supposed to, and not because you have to, but simply because you want to. We expect our parents to love us unconditionally, we expect our kids to appreciate our dedication as parents …and there is always an expectation of reciprocity.

The truth is….regardless of the status of a relationship or its title….no one owes you anything. Love should be given freely and without expectation of reciprocity.

A moose taught me that. :).

I cherish every moment he spends with me with no assumption he will be back the following day. That pushes me to focus on the singular moment that is truly a gift…and not miss that moment being preoccupied with what should or could evolve from it. Because that ‘should or could’ may never happen.

Simply appreciate the opportunity to have been given that moment.

You never know when the last moment will come. Don't miss it.

But thats just my opinion. :)