Are You Running From.....Or To......

June 27 2021

When situations become unbearably painful and the ‘fight or flight’ phase takes over, we chose one or the other, often times from a survival mode position.

When ongoing stress and emotional pain become intolerable we have a built in mechanism that directs us to either dig in harder and fight for what we need or want…..or it directs us out of the situation and propels us to take flight.

I probably did what most people do and that is to fight until there is no fight left,and then take flight in search of peace.

I changed everything from the state I lived in, to the lifestyle, to the weather patterns. I bought a home that required so much work it was a great distraction from the emotional pain I was running from, and kept me busy for the first two years.

One day I was sitting out on my beautiful deck with its stunning view of the river and instead of feeling the peace and tranquility I had been yearning for….I felt anxious.

I thought to myself….’now what?’.

I’m not the girl that wants to ‘do lunch’ as a social outing. I do lunch because I’m hungry.

I like having projects to do……I hate predictability…and I’ve never fit well inside the societal box we are told is ‘PC’.

If I wake up every day…….and do the same thing every day……what is Gods motivation to bless me with another day? Each day is a gift.

Surely he has higher expectations for me than to watch me safely do the same things all over again the next day.

And that expectation is what was driving the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach.

He’s hoping I’ll invest in a whimsical thought or take on a seemingly insurmountable task. He’s hoping I’ll take another leap of faith into the unknown, because those leaps of faith create miraculous moments. And those miraculous moments are the only gifts we can take with us when our time on earth has come to an end.

I stood up from my cozy chair, and gazed across the sparking river, smiling at the simplicity of its beauty..…and I decided I wanted to build a house.

From the ground up…..off a pice of paper…..and with ideas pulled from an overflowing folder of Pinterest pictures.

So I set out looking for the perfect piece of raw land to be my canvas. The blank canvas that would be the starting point of my last chapter. It wasn't easy…land is in high demand in my neck of the woods, and finding a contractor who has the time to built the house is yet another ominous challenge.

After pouring through hours and hours of internet listings and driving out to various properties only to be disappointed by what I found…….there it was.

A ten acre parcel with the oddest property lines I’ve ever seen, and a view that stopped me right where I stood. My mind immediately started designing and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face when I saw animal tracks in the dirt. Buck, Elk, Whitetail Deer…….and MOOSE!!

I knelt down to touch the hoof prints knowing I would meet them someday, and at that moment I knew my heart was home.

I looked up through the trees to survey the view and to my surprise there were 3 bald eagles effortlessly balancing themselves on the branches. Apparently hundreds of them come here in the winter months to stay and this property is adjacent to their favorite hang out.

I kept looking around and smiling.... but there was no one there to share the moment with….and that was ok. Because that magical moment in time…is exactly what God was hoping I’d feel. It was time to make new memories.

So a new journey has begun, and there will be tears, and heartache, and challenges, and victories, but most importantly…there will be memories made that I can forever hold close to my heart.

And that's what matters.

But that's just my opinion...:)